


Five Years Later

by Evelyn_Harrison



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, High School Reunion AU, Light Angst, Lovers to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oneshot, Post-College/University AU, Tattoo Artist Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), aka Connor doesn’t die, and then they meet again yayaya, and tree bros happens, but then they break up cause of some reason im thinking of right now, idk how he became one but off I go I guess, please enjoy!!!! :), short oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-11-27 09:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20946401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evelyn_Harrison/pseuds/Evelyn_Harrison
Summary: “I’m still not over you,” He blurts out, a bad habit he still hasn’t fixed yet, before covering his mouth with his hands and ducking his head.Evan waits for Connor’s answer, feeling those icy blue eyes bore holes into him. It’s weird to see Connor Murphy again, someone who was a classmate, an acquaintance, a friend. Someone who he held close to in his heart for years, who never left his thoughts, even after their final senior year together.His heart still belonged to Connor.Biting the insides of his cheeks, Evan sucks in a shallow breath as Connor shifts his body, taking a step closer to him and speaking.“What a coincidence, I still don’t think I’m over you too.”***A short one shot of a high school reunion, five years later.(Requested by anon on tumblr)





	Five Years Later

**Author's Note:**

> Had some weird urge to write tree bros, which is funny cause I’ve moved onto kpop and history 3 trapped lmao
> 
> If you all are interested in that gay shit then drop by my other ao3 account Carey_Miller !!
> 
> Songs lyrics that are featured are at the end of the fic! :)
> 
> Prompt ask: https://trees-and-sky.tumblr.com/post/188204654833/for-the-feh-fic-suggestion-maybe-connor-and-evan

_Five Years Ago_

They shared their first hugs, their first kisses, their first _I love you_’s. They shared their mornings and nights together, falling asleep in the same bed to waking up side by side. They were always connected together somehow, whether it was physically or just a few clicks away. 

They shared their first movie date at _Galaxy Cinemas_, their first picnic date at the abandoned apple orchard, and their first double date with Alana Beck and Zoe Murphy, and their first home date at Evan’s house. 

They shared their first argument in the back of Connor’s pick up truck, their first kiss-and-make-up at A La Mode, their first jealous/petty quarrel during a group project for their History class, and their first huge fight at Connor’s house.

They said their first _hi_’s and their last _goodbye_ at the very same place where they met; the hallway full of lockers and bustling students every ninety minute interval. Specifically, Jared Kleinman’s locker. 

Their last _I love you_ was sealed with a kiss, something like that in a movie. Evan remembers it like a VHS tape on repeat or a warm spring day, every word to every thing he felt, mentally and physically. A memory that he couldn’t get rid of, a memory that he couldn’t _bare_ to get rid of. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Connor, but his lips moved on his own.

“Goodbye, Connor Murphy,” _Please don’t let me go, Connor._

“Goodbye, Evan Hansen,” He wishes that Connor wouldn’t let go of his hand, won’t turn around and leave him broken on the ground like how he found him. Evan felt that the curtains were closing and the page of his life was turning, the next chapter awaiting for him. 

***

_We met and we were in love. That’s good enough for me. I loved you._

_***_

_Five Years Later _

Evan arrives to the front of his old high school early as planned. He hopes to just come and go, greeting the people who he knew and knew him, followed by small talk and then bolting when no one is looking.

Old habits die hard, especially the ‘bolting when no one is looking’ part.

Entering the gymnasium cautiously, he’s relieved to only see a few people talking quietly among theirselves. Making his way to the food stand filled with junk food and oddly coloured punch, Evan takes a plate and begins to slowly fill it up, while looking around to see the people he might consider talking to and the people he would absolutely jump out a window to avoid.

Spotting Alana Beck walk into the room made him feel slightly better, and he debates whether he should casually stroll over to her or wait until she comes near him. 

Eventually, she (thankfully) sees him through the growing crowd and begins to walk towards him, giving him a kind smile. “Evan, it’s nice to see you again, after all these years.” She says, reaching out for a hug.

Hugging back, Evan smiles (a bit awkwardly) back and gives her a cup of punch, that he has now concluded it to be strawberry coolaid with ice and ginger ale. 

“Oh, ew, it tastes like a five year old made this.” Alana scrunches up her nose, before putting her drink down on the table. “So, what have you been up to? How’s college?”

“Well, I took a year off to go to abroad, before staring my studies at _TCNJ _for biology. Um, what about you?” He says his answer just as he planned in his head, and he gives himself a little pat on the back for that.

“I’m sure you heard, but I got into Harvard for Law. I’m in my second to last year, which is so nice because I’m close to graduating!” Alana boasts a bit, but realizes that she’s getting ahead of herself. “Sorry, it’s a bad habit of mine. But it’s great to hear that you’re doing well.”

Nodding, Evan tries to continue the conversation, and gives himself a little fist bump when he doesn’t mess up his words, “How are things with Zoe? Last time I heard from you, you both were so happy together.” He pushes away the resurfacing thoughts of his ex-boyfriend as he tries to keep his smile from faltering.

Alana beams, her more genuine and relaxed self showing. Most of the times, everyone sees Alana’s picture-perfect side, always graceful and intelligible and radiant. Only Evan has seen Alana’s true self a handful of times, most of them were when she was with Zoe Murphy.

“I’m still with her, and honestly I’m so grateful to of met her because of you and Connor.”

_You and Connor,_ rings in Evan’s ears and rattles around in his mind, _you two are always paired together. Even after all of these years, everyone knows that you were with him, and that he was with you._

_***_

_I’m okay (I’m not okay). I don‘t want to see you (I really want to see you)._

_***_

_Five Years Ago_

“I’m here, Evan, I haven’t gone anywhere.”

Cold tiles, warm hands. Bright lights above him, dark black hoodie in front of him. A balance of fear and comfort swirled around him, and he’s not sure what to do next. Should he run and hide, or should he stay here, where it’s safe? Isn’t that the same thing? 

“Evan, focus on me. Don’t look anywhere else besides here.”

Its the same voice from before, Evan realizes. It’s familiar, like he’s heard it a thousand of times. He should know who it is, but his mind is foggy and things seem to blur into one another. Things merge and unmerge in front of his eyes, and he forces himself to concentrate on what the boy wanted him to look at.

A little brush pin seemed to shine out of everything around him. He’s seen this before, but his mind isn’t cooperating with him. The boy who holds him close seems to be calmly explaining it to Evan, like he was telling him a story.

“You got me this for my birthday. You knew that I love art, but you didn’t have enough pocket money to buy me the brand name paint brush set. Instead, you got me this, and it’s honestly much better than an art set. You know why? Cause art supplies are disposable, but your pin isn’t. As long as I have it on my bag, I bring a part of you with me.”

Connor, the boy with Evan right now is his best friend. 

“C-Connor?” Slowly, the fog in his head begins to clear up, his breathing evening and his eyes focusing on what’s around him. He feels his hands tight in Connor’s black hoodie, with tear stains here and there.

“You’re back, thank God.” Connor says, a smile of relief forming on his face. He wraps Evan in a big hug, their bodies pressing against each other and Evan feels warmth spread through his hands and cheeks.

Evan stammers, his voice a bit muffled, “T-thank you,” His throat feels raw and raspy, and he forces himself to sound like he’s not dying. “Thank you for helping me.”

He hears Connor sigh softly, and his heart races ever so slightly. “I’ll always be there to help you, no matter what.”

***

_I’m a loser who loves you._

***

_Five Years Later_

“No way, José.”

“Oh, um, yes way.” Evan stifles out a laugh, surprised that Zoe remembers their first awkward meeting and inside joke. “I didn’t think that you would remember that.”

Zoe smiles and shrugs, before gently leaning against Alana’s shoulder and holding her hand, “I try to only remember the good things about my friendships, I don’t want to be hung up over a friendship break up.” She says, and Evan wonders if she is aiming her words at him or just in general. 

She notices that he’s visibly confused, and clarifies herself, “I’m talking about in general, I’ve said a lot of goodbyes to my past friends from high school. So don’t worry, I don’t mean to say that we’ve broken up as friends,” Zoe pauses and reaches out her hand to playfully push Evan, “unless we were platonically dating.”

Letting out a relieved laugh, Evan playfully pushes her back, “I don’t know, would your official, romantic girlfriend approve?”

“Of course not, she’s mine and I’m her’s.” Alana wraps her arms around Zoe’s shoulders and kisses her girlfriend’s cheek, “You can’t have her.” She gives Evan a joking pout. 

_I used to be Connor’s, and he used to be mine_, “Haven’t you heard of sharing?” Evan tries to push those thoughts away, focusing on the conversation rather than Connor. Thankfully, the conversation steers away from play-fighting over the younger Murphy, to talking about the abandoned apple orchard. 

“The community has offered to rebuild and fix the orchard, and it’ll be done in a few weeks. Remember the times where all four of us used to hang out there, skipping Psychology on Wednesdays?” Zoe says, smiling fondly as she thinks back to five years ago. “We should go again sometime.”

He really doesn’t want to, he’s too scared to face the resurfacing memories of the past. Evan has worked so hard to forget about how much he misses the times he’s held hands with Connor under _their _tree. 

Their... tree. It used to be a safe place for Evan, an island that only Connor and him could run away too. An oasis, a mirage, a dream-like place where Evan could feel like he was the most comfortable, most safe, most _love_. An island that no one could take away from him... but himself.

“I think we should.”

Evan’s thought bubbles are instantly popped, a nervous feeling in his stomach rising up and he _knows_ that voice, he knows who it is and he’s not ready. Not ready to face what happened years ago, not ready to deal with seeing him again.

Turning around, he comes face to face with Connor Murphy. He wears a slightly formal white collared dress shirt and dress pants, but still sticks with his laced up boots. His hair is cut short, but the bangs still cover almost half of his upper face. Even with his sharper jawline and defined cheeks, the look in his eyes are softer, less angry or rough looking. A calm sea after a storm, he still looks like the Connor from five years ago. It was like their break up didn’t affect him at all, or that he shaped up and didn’t let love get in the way of his future.

_I should take some notes, how to still not be sad over a break up from five years ago_.

“Hey, Evan Hansen. Surprised to see you again.” Connor says, like he’s rehearsed it. His face seems calm but his voice tells a different story. Evan can barely tell that Connor’s voice shook a bit, but it’s hid so well because of Connor’s presence and posture. Standing straight, shoulders back and head up high, Connor seems to be a newer, better version of himself. 

“H-hey, Connor Murphy. I’m glad to see you again.” Evan stutters at the end, and his mind wonders if he’s actually happy to see his ex, or if he’s scared and nervous. A part of him definitely wanted to see Connor again, to go back to before, and another part of him is scared to face consequences and relieve his past and present pain. “How are you...?”

“I’m good, and you?” Connor asks, and Evan is anxious to meet his eyes. He can’t tell if Connor is disinterested or upset or happy to see him as well, or if Connor wants to leave right at this moment and never see each other again.

“I’m okay, better than I thought I would be,” Picking at the hem strings of his shirt, Evan feels his palms sweat and he wants to say everything that runs through his mind right now. He wants to go back to that island with Connor and work things out, he wants Connor to be a part of his life and yet he’s not sure if it’s the right choice. He broke up with Connor for a reason, but the reason no longer applies.

Would it be okay to start over, create a new chapter together?

_***_

_I'll be your island.  
_

_***_

_Five Years Ago_

“I think we should break up.”

_I don’t wanna cry, I don’t wanna cry, but the tears still pour anyways. _

Rubbing his eyes and forcing his tears back, Evan forces himself to keep going, “I don’t want to do this, I really don’t want to. I want to stay with you forever, I want to be with you, _but_, but I can’t.” 

“Why can’t you?” Connor asks, confused and he tries to reach out his hand and pull Evan close. “Stay with me, don’t let us go.” 

Embracing Connor, Evan hides his tears with his words he doesn’t want to say, “It’s not right for us to stay together right now. We’re moving to different states, a long distance relationship almost never works in the end. We’ll grow apart and break up anyways.”

“We’ll make it work, I promise, I won’t let us grow apart.” Connor tries to convince him, holding him tight because he knows that this may be the last time they’ll be this close to each other. 

“Connor, _Connor_, please listen to me,” Evan begs, his grip on Connor’s signature black hoodie tightening. “I just, I don’t think we’re both ready for this. We’re not mature enough, not smart enough, not mentally ready to stay in a relationship. I don’t want to drag you down if I’m not mentally strong enough. Life is full of mistakes, and I don’t want us to end up as a mistake. I don’t want us to be affected by each other mistakes to the point of no return.”

“I... I know what you mean. I just don’t want us to... have to say goodbye like this.” Connor’s voice drops to a murmur, and he’s barely able to say anything else, “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“I don’t want to, but this is the only way that we can still be on good terms and be happy. If we meet again in the future, at least that there is a chance that we could be together again.” Evan whispers, and finally meets Connor’s beautiful blue eyes. “I’m not okay right now, but when we meet again, I’ll be okay, I’ll be better for the both of us.”

“Evan...”

“Wait for me, okay?” _Say goodbye now, so it won’t have to hurt later on. Grow and be a better person so you don’t have to go through these mistakes again._ On his tip toes, Evan gently connects his lips with Connor for the last time, sealing their future and saying goodbye. “I love you, Connor Murphy.”

***

_If I knew we were going to break up, I shouldn’t have loved you so much._

***

_Five Years Later_

Zoe and Alana dragged them outside of the high school reunion, and they all were wondering around the streets of New Jersey. Evan quietly listened to Zoe and Alana plan their next date as he stood side by side Connor. Hands clasped together and head down, Evan tries to come up with something to say. _Small talk or a deep conversation, anything other than complete and slightly awkward silence would be nice._

“Um, so, Connor, how was UNC?” Evan finally says, “Did you like it there?”

Connor nods a bit, shoving his hands into his black blazer pockets and shrugs, “I got my Bachelors of Arts and Design, and I’m working as a tattoo artist and a freelance artist.” To Evan’s surprise, Connor stops in his tracks and pulls up his sleeves, showing Evan a tattooed quote on his arm. 

_We could be alright, for forever, this way_.

Evan stops to read it, before letting out a little gasp. “I... said that.” He blinks, the memory coming back to him and he feels tears form at the edges of his eyes. “You remembered?”

Nodding again, Connor smiles faintly, “We were sitting on the branches of our tree, looking at the sunset when you said that. I remember it almost too well, and I have never forgotten it. I haven’t forgotten you, Evan.”

Feeling his heartbeat speed up, Evan feels his whole face redden and the tears slowly fall. He gulps and nods his head as well, “I haven’t forgotten about you either,” He says, hoping and not hoping that Connor heard it. 

Glancing at Evan, and then to Zoe and Alana way ahead of them, Connor gives Evan a stiff smile and motions his head to the two girls. “We probably should catch up,” He says, turning his back to Evan and continues to walk.

As Evan watches Connor go, he feels his adrenaline kick in and his mind screams at him, telling him that this is his last chance to say something. _Something, anything, before it’s too late and you’ll really say goodbye._

“I’m still not over you,” He blurts out, a bad habit he still hasn’t fixed yet, before covering his mouth with his hands and ducking his head. Evan hears Connor’s loud footsteps stop, and takes a glimpse up to see that Connor stands still for a few seconds, and then turns back around to face him. 

Evan waits for Connor’s answer, feeling those icy blue eyes bore holes into him. It’s weird to see Connor Murphy again, to be with someone who was a classmate, an acquaintance, a friend. Someone who he held close to in his heart for years, who never left his thoughts, even after their final senior year together. Someone who he’s loved and who loved him back. Is it really past tense?

_No, it’s not._ His mind says, _it was never past tense._

His heart still belonged to Connor.

Biting the insides of his cheeks, Evan sucks in a shallow breath as Connor shifts his body, taking a step closer to him and speaking.

“What a coincidence, I still don’t think I’m over you too.”

Snapping his head up, Evan’s eyes widen and he’s not sure if he heard Connor correctly. “Um, w-what?” 

“I still love you,” Connor’s cheeks turn brighter, and he hides it by covering them up with his arm. “I’ve always loved you, even when we said goodbye, even when I let go of your hand.” 

Letting out a faint hiccup, Evan swallows hard and doesn’t fight the tears as they drop one by one, “I shouldn’t of let this happen, I shouldn’t of said goodbye. I’m so dumb, I can’t believe that I did this to us.” He hiccups again, furiously wiping away the tears and tries to reorganize his scattered thoughts.

“I can’t believe I let you go,” Connor approaches Evan, exhaling, “I waited for you, and we’re now here together, right?”

“Yeah,” Evan feel’s his heart wanting to burst as Connor holds his hand out to him, “I’m going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.” Holding Connor’s hand, it’s as warm as he remembered it to be. 

“Let’s start walking on a new path, okay?” Connor tightens his grip, squeezing Evan’s hand to tell him that things will be alright. There will be a new beginning, a new chapter for the both of them.

“Okay.”

_***_

_But it’s you, your existence changes my world like magic. I’m not in pain anymore._

***

**Author's Note:**

> Songs (in order of appearance):
> 
> iKON — Love Scenario  
SEVENTEEN — Don’t Wanna Cry  
PENTAGON — Shine  
WINNER — Island  
iKON — Goodbye Road  
TXT — Crown
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! If you did, please leave a kudo! I also would love to hear from you all, so if you would be so kind, drop a comment as well!! (please my family is starving XDD)
> 
> See you next time <3


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